Sold my life on eBay

Yeah.  I got desperate.  Sold 2 BJD's, an old Barbie, and a bunch of BJD accessories.  Would've sold my wedding ring, too, but I gave that back to he-who-shall-not-be-named.  Some of my jewelry is listed on Craig's List, but I haven't had anyone respond.  Some odd months ago I had to sell my Wii.  The Wii I won.  The Wii I didn't have to pay for.  The Wii that brought my life joy.  Now all I have is a PS2 that's older than time itself and 2 games to play on it.  And my DS, which I might also have to sell.

I wanted to sell my sewing machine since apparently my skills disappeared with my marriage.  Mom says she wants me to keep it, so I guess when I get the gumption to drive down to Aurora I'll put it back in storage.

I had to re-home my dog and bird, and my mom took the cat.  I'm thinking it's probably about time to re-home the cat, too, since mom just lost her job and I won't be moving away from dad's any time soon.  Mom insists that "we" keep her, but it's not looking so great.

Yay.  Love my life.

No Crafts?!

Was supposed to move on the 8th.  Fell through because I had to go to the Dr. with no health insurance.  There went the deposit.

Been in a "funk" for 3 days.  I can usually get out of these little slumps in a few hours, but this one just keeps going.  And it sucks because I don't want to do anything- not even craft.  I guess I should force myself to work on something.  But when I do that, the project usually doesn't turn out right.  I guess I just need the right motivation.  Come on.  Craft.  You can do it!

Stupid Government

If unemployment is so high and salaries are so low, why is the cost of living still so high?  If "they" don't lower the cost of living, the unemployment rate is going to go down because the homeless rate is going to go up.  It's hard enough to get government assistance.  I didn't qualify for food stamps, but Juan and Lupe Garcia can get them (which is another rant all together- the government supporting people who don't support the government).  The local section 8/housing waiting lists are closed, most of them until next year.  And even if some of us can get on the waiting lists, they help families and the elderly first.

I'm sorry, but I have very little faith in our government right now.

My Expensive Hobby

I've always liked dolls.  Growing up I had about 4 Barbie dolls that I played with all the time.  I also collected the Christmas Barbies (although recently they aren't as cool as the older ones I have, so I haven't bought one in a while).  And *gasp!* I take them out of the box to display them!  Why have them if you can't have any fun with them?  My mom, dad and aunt bought me a few porcelin dolls.  When my aunt moved to Las Vegas, she couldn't take her extensive around-the-world doll collection so she gave it to me.  And it is wonderful!

Enter BJD, or (Asian) ball jointed doll.  The moment I saw one, I knew I had to have one.  I went to a bjd forum and researched the dolls.  They're so cool!  You can change out their eyes to be whatever color you want, and they don't have rooted hair so you can get lots of different wigs for them.  To my dismay, they're very expensive.  They are all had casted and strung, they cannot be mass produced.  Some companies are more expensive than others.  The Chinese companies tend to be the least expensive; my first doll is an MSD size (about 17") and she is from a Chinese company called "Bobobie."  I paid $128 for her, and she didn't come with eyes, hair, or clothes.  Some dolls will come with eyes and ocasionally a wig.

As soon as my first doll, Paige, arrived I was hooked.  I knew I had to have more!  I got a little tiny one (5" tall) from my ex-mother-in-law for Christmas.  I saved up for a boy doll.  I even got a little nekomimi doll that was 5" and very delicate.  After the divorce, I had to sell my little doll and my nekomimi doll.  I was fine with selling the little doll, as I just didn't like her as much as the bigger dolls.  It broke my heart to have to sell Catsy.  My boy doll and I haven't "bonded," as the doll community calls it.  Really he's just not what I thought I wanted.  So he's for sale right now.

The BJD you really, really want more than anything is usually out of reach because it's too expensive, or maybe it was a special edition.  This is the doll that you call your "grail doll."  I have about 3 grail dolls on my list.  It was 4, but I found one of my grail dolls for sale for an amazing price that I just couldn't pass up.  And I couldn't be happier with her.

I used to sew for my dolls, but after I got divorced my sewing machine went to storage and I didn't sew for quite a while.  I have my sewing machine back, but I've lost my touch.  Also, there aren't a lot of patterns available for these dolls, so you have to make a lot of your own.  Which I'm not very good at.  But sometimes you just can't find the right outfit for your doll.  So you either sew it or find something else.

It depresses me when I can't buy things I want for my dolls.  I work 24-32 hours a week at Walmart, so there's really no extra money.  *sigh*  Some day I will be able to afford my $700 grail doll!

Paige, my first ever BJD.  Why yes, I did make the dress she's wearing.  Paige is now living with someone else because I had to sell her to pay bills.



Catsy.  I wish I didn't have to sell this doll.  I know I can always buy another, but I got her for such a good deal!

And (one of) my grail dolls, Jane.  I was so excited to find her at such a great price!  I wanted her for a very long time and now I finally have her.

I wish I had a better picture of Jane, but I'm using a very old camera right now and can't get the greatest pictures.

If seeing my dolls makes you want to have one of your own, check out these websites!

http://www.denofangels.com/

http://www.denverdoll.com/



What I Could Have Been

OK, I admit it: I watch Nickelodeon. I love SpongeBob. I watch iCarly, Victorious, Big Time Rush. I was curious if the cast actually sang the songs, or if it was someone else, so I looked the shows up in wikipedia. They do all sing- which I think is pretty cool. I was curious about some of the biographies, and read Carlos Pena Jr.'s bio (I admit, I have a bit of a crush on him). He was studying at Boston Conservatory when he auditoned for BTR and got the part.

It made me think; I was a musician for 8 years. My main instrument was viola, but I also picked up violin and started to teach myself guitar. After high school, I could no longer be in my youth orchestra. I was consumed by work and school (went to a community college having no idea what I wanted to do with my life, I just went because everyone said so) and didn't bother to find an adult community orchestra. My skills started to go to hell. I played here and there when I got the itch, but was discouraged when I could no longer play at the level I was at during my peak. I moved into an apartment and left my viola with my mom. Got married, took the viola. Dabbled a bit here and there. My (now ex) husband didn't like to listen to me play, so I didn't play very often. Now I'm divorced and the viola is in storage.

My whole point to this rant is: I could've done something with my life and musical abilities. I could have tried to get in to the Boston Conservatory. Hell, I would be content if I could just be in a community orchestra at this point. I gave up something I loved because "life" got in the way. All the while, music should have been my life. Now I'm 27 years old and have nothing to show for my life. Since the divorce I've fallen on some hard times; I can't find a "real" job to save my life. I'm working at Walmart. And because I make butt at my job, I can't get my own place and have to live with my dad. In a one bedroom apartment. I sleep on a cot in the living room. Even if playing my viola wouldn't bother the neighbors (which I'm sure it would), I have no room to keep it.

Please, if you're reading this: LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES. Don't ever, ever give up on something because your family beats you down and says you can't make a living at it. Don't ever listen to anyone like that!

I remember my youth orchestra played with a singer, Charles Langley. He signed my music folder and put "always follow your dreams." That is advice I should have taken.

Angry Sheep

I think this is how sheep would feel if they had human emotions.

Stitched on plain old white cotton using back stitch, satin stitch, and crayon tinting.

My Sick Brain Update

After the initial horrible Effexor withdrawl, I am feeling much better.  Only problem is I have actual feelings again, and that's been a little hard to deal with.  But I'll keep pluggin' away at improving myself and hopefully everything will be A-OK.

New Vegas!

I embroidered this for a swap I'm in that's video game themed.  I don't want to send this off!  I want to keep it for myself!!

It's a mixture of back stitch, satin stitch, and crayon tinting.  Oh, and the little dots around the outside are metallic french knots.  I worked really hard on this, and I hope my swap partner likes it as much as I do.

Old School Geek

I'm in a craft swap over at craftster.org that's video game themed.  My partner gave me her wist (online wish-list for those of you that don't know) and this was on it.  I just had to make it for her.  A needlepoint Nintendo DS (lite) case.

I would do it a little differently if I made another.  For instance, I lined all the pieces individually before I sewed them together.  Next time I'll line it after it's assembled.  Also, the closure for this is tricky.  Initially I wanted to use magnet strips, but when the ds is in the case it's a little poofy and the magnets wouldn't attract each other.  Then I tried the stick-on velcro.  It doesn't like to stick on to yarn.  So I had to super glue it on there.

I got the tutorial for this here.  Have fun!

My Sick Brain

I'd like to post about something serious that effects more people than you would think.  Depression. 

My right-wing father thinks that depression and depression medications were something that was made up by the government to control people.  So right off the bat, I have no sympathy from my family.  Depression is a serious medical condition.  Yet there's no disability.  We're supposed to push our chemical imbalance aside and function as normal members of society.  And the drug companies?  Effexor, a drug I was on until recently, costs $324 for a month's  worth at my local Walmart pharmacy (no insurance).  I thought this medicine was supposed to help depression, not make it worse with it's impossible prices.

Effexor- don't ever take it.  It's a harsh medication to be on.  Makes you gain weight, makes you tired and lethargic (sometimes I would go to bed at 10pm and wake up around 11am and I would still be sleepy), and takes away any sexual pleasure.  That's right, anti-depressants effect your sex drive.

So the Dr. put me on Welbutren.  Said it would make me less tired and take away some of my appitite.  However, possible side effects include seizures.  The chance of seizure is increased by alcohol, or taking something as simple and harmless as a decongestiant.  Worth it?  Probably not.

Withdrawl- Effexor withdrawl is one of the worst things to ever go through.  I'm dizzy, I'll cry at the drop of a hat for no good reason, I have what are known as "brain ticks," and I'm starting to get violent and a bit suicidal.  I've had to take a leave of absense from my job; not a good thing as I'm broker than broke right now (account is over-withdrawn).  But could you imagine a customer (all of them are a pain, all the time) simply asking where something is, and me answering by throwing something at their head, screaming "Find it yourself!!" and curling up into a  ball and crying?  Not a good senario.

"Just suck it up."  Said by my mom and brother who are on vacation right now.  It's extremely difficult for me to control emotions ON the medication, and I can't control anything right now.

"Just suck it up."  No one understands what I've gone through mentally and what I'm going through now.  So please, if you know someone that deals with depression be patient, be forgiving, and for the love of God, try to sympathize.

Fallout

In a world where feral ghouls roam free, Nightkin have their own radio stations, and some quack named Cesar is trying to take over the Western United States.... you can always count on one thing: Vault Boy!

Yes, friends, I am that much of a geek. I created the pattern in KG Chart, a free download available on the internet.  It's pretty good for being free, but keep in mind that it's not perfect- it thought Vault Boy's hair should be green.

I'm pretty sure no one's reading this blog.  I guess I'm just doing this to keep my mind occupied.  Must... not... think... about... reality...

Dragon Age

Great game.  If you haven't played it yet, do it!  In my opinion, Origins is the better of the two, but whatever.

Speaking of Dragon Age, here is everyone's favorite crazy dragon-lady: Flemmeth!

Flemmeth here is in the style of "Nekomimi," or "cat-girl."  You'll notice the pointy ears and cat paws.  Made from a pattern that was put together by the fabulous "ghilie" of craftster.org.  Here's her blog: ghilie.wordpress.com.  Go check it out!

Go Team Venture!

Here's the first post to my blog.  I thought I'd open with something awesomely geeky- and what's more awesomely geeky than Hank and Dean Venture?

I cross stitched this baby using 16-count aida and plain black DMC floss.  Overall design is big enough to squash into a 4x6 frame, although 5x7 would probably be better.

"Go Team Venture!"
"Yeah, they do that sometimes..."