What I Could Have Been

OK, I admit it: I watch Nickelodeon. I love SpongeBob. I watch iCarly, Victorious, Big Time Rush. I was curious if the cast actually sang the songs, or if it was someone else, so I looked the shows up in wikipedia. They do all sing- which I think is pretty cool. I was curious about some of the biographies, and read Carlos Pena Jr.'s bio (I admit, I have a bit of a crush on him). He was studying at Boston Conservatory when he auditoned for BTR and got the part.

It made me think; I was a musician for 8 years. My main instrument was viola, but I also picked up violin and started to teach myself guitar. After high school, I could no longer be in my youth orchestra. I was consumed by work and school (went to a community college having no idea what I wanted to do with my life, I just went because everyone said so) and didn't bother to find an adult community orchestra. My skills started to go to hell. I played here and there when I got the itch, but was discouraged when I could no longer play at the level I was at during my peak. I moved into an apartment and left my viola with my mom. Got married, took the viola. Dabbled a bit here and there. My (now ex) husband didn't like to listen to me play, so I didn't play very often. Now I'm divorced and the viola is in storage.

My whole point to this rant is: I could've done something with my life and musical abilities. I could have tried to get in to the Boston Conservatory. Hell, I would be content if I could just be in a community orchestra at this point. I gave up something I loved because "life" got in the way. All the while, music should have been my life. Now I'm 27 years old and have nothing to show for my life. Since the divorce I've fallen on some hard times; I can't find a "real" job to save my life. I'm working at Walmart. And because I make butt at my job, I can't get my own place and have to live with my dad. In a one bedroom apartment. I sleep on a cot in the living room. Even if playing my viola wouldn't bother the neighbors (which I'm sure it would), I have no room to keep it.

Please, if you're reading this: LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES. Don't ever, ever give up on something because your family beats you down and says you can't make a living at it. Don't ever listen to anyone like that!

I remember my youth orchestra played with a singer, Charles Langley. He signed my music folder and put "always follow your dreams." That is advice I should have taken.